I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
