So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
