he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
