i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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