fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
