My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
