all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
