I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
