I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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