I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You pole danced in your parka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
