I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
