it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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