I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
