Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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