The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
