Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
