Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
