I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
