last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
