Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
