I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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