"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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