you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
