I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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