i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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