My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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