Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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