When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
