We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
