I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
