alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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