dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Use "feeling words"
Yay
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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