A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
