I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
