Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
