oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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