Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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