I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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