Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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