I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are my feet made of real feet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
