Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My ass is underappreciated
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
