he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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