there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
