Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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