my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We left an ass print on the piano.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
