Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it's like iHOP with fire
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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