the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
