I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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