4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
