her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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